Flowers Grow in the Valley- A heartfelt blog entry about EMDR therapy and grief inspired by the song Flowers by Samanatha Ebert

Hello, my dear reader!

It has been a long time since I have written. Writing is always how I can share my heart and feelings the most. Thank you for being patient with me as I long to write to you!

I was driving in my car and listening to K-LOVE on the radio as always, and I heard the song Flowers, by Samantha Ebert.

The song touched my heart so much.

It enabled me to cry deeply, something I have needed to do for a while.

This song also allowed me to feel the hand of God.

It enabled me to feel the sweet scent of Jesus and his care, and it reminded me that even though God has placed Me or YOU in a valley season, it only means that he is working, watering us and getting us ready to be beautiful flowers in his divine timing.

Here are the lyrics to the song. Read them and/or listen to the song here when you have a chance!

Flowers

Song by

Samantha Ebert

Well, blue skies and hillsides feel so far away

And I wrote in my notebook that I've seen better days

Than the ones as of late, I can't bear the weight

The rain won't stop pouring out my window pane

And I haven't left my bedroom in 76 days

I wish something would change

'Cause I'm losing faith

So I brought it up in a desperate prayer

Lord, why are you keeping me here?

Then He said to me, "Child, I'm planting seeds

I'm a good God and I have a good plan

So trust that I'm holding a watering can

And someday you'll see that flowers grow in the valley"

So whatever the reason, I'm barely getting by

I'll trust it's a season knowing that you're by my side

Every step of the way

And I'll be okay

'Cause I brought it up in a desperate prayer

Lord, why are you keeping me here?

Then He said to me, "Child, I'm planting seeds

I'm a good God and I have a good plan"

So trust that I'm holding a watering can

And someday you'll see that flowers grow in the valley

Mm, mm

When I'm on the mountain and looking down below

I'll see a valley of flowers that needed time to grow

And I'll thank you for the rain the hurt and days of pain

And I'll bring it up in a grateful prayer

Thank you, Jesus, for keeping me there

You know just what I need, and you've planted seeds

'Cause you're a good God with a real good plan

And you hold my world and a watering can

So I can have peace 'cause flowers grow in the valley

I have not written you since I last wrote about approaching the 1st anniversary of my brother's tragic death.

Well, let me tell you, year two has been that much harder. I was told that it would be, but I did not believe it.

I felt at the start of this year that 2025 would be a year of quiet introspection, healing, stillness, and sorting things out. We are in the middle of March right now, and I can tell you that it has been all of those things and more.

So let me catch you up a bit.........

The Lord has me on a journey. A journey I am sure in my own way I have asked for.

No, I did not ask for my brother to leave this earth....

But....

I have always wanted to do the will of God and work with him on this earth to help others. I also have always wanted to bloom into who he has created me to be!

My brother's death has been an unpleasant push in that direction. I think in life we have small pushes and then we have BIG pushes!

Grief has been a hard part of this journey. It has had all sorts of twists and turns.

One turn was that the grief affected my physical body's intestinal system, and that is something that I couldn't ignore or skip past. I was diagnosed with microscopic collagenous colitis back in 2024, and I have been on a journey to reverse it ever since. This journey has led me to my naturopathic doctor and an EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapist. Both of them have helped me tremendously, and I can say that I am feeling so much better physically, but I still have ways to go!

What I can say, my dear reader, is that from my experience, death and what comes with it, is a door to THROUGH! You cannot go around. You have to keep going through.

A door THROUGH!

The only way out is THROUGH!

How many people are committed to going through it?

How many people stay stuck in it?

I am sure there are many people who are scared to go through it. I do not blame them.

However, I feel that I serve a God who walks with me through the tough things, and when I feel him take my hand and say, "Let's go THROUGH it," I shout " YES Father!"

I know that he is with me, and I know that when I am living in the valley and the Lord asks me to take pause and be quiet for a while, it is all for a purpose.

Do I know the whole plan before I say yes? No!

Do I have it all figured out before I say, I'll go? No!

But I go!!!

I go!

And so, at this point, I go and I am walking through the TRAUMA of my brother's death 1 1/2 years later. This is where the Lord has me. This is the valley I am in. I am going back to some unfinished business of the past through EMDR therapy, prayer, and staying close to God so that I can walk THROUGH the pain and continue to grieve properly and not be stuck in a loop.

I was stuck in a loop my dear reader!

I was stuck in the FREEZE part of TRAUMA and still am to a certain point. I feel myself freeing up a bit after 4 sessions of EMDR therapy.

What I know so far is that on top of my brother's death being one of the hardest things that have ever happened to me, it was also something that triggered a younger incident within me. It was a time when I was 4 years old, and I accidently slammed my brother's finger in the door pretty badly and had to rush to the hospital with my parents and brother. The little girl felt so much guilt, pain, and anguish for my little brother. The little girl in me felt so bad and sad that I had done that to him.

Even though it was an accident, I was the big sister.

I was supposed..............

to protect him

comfort him

take care of him

I let him down.

My brother's death and how it all went down brought me back to that incident as a little girl.

I was supposed to.....

protect him

comfort him

take care of him

I let him down.

Of course, this was not true. All of this was out of my control in both situations. However, the body does not recognize it as that. The body feels like it is reliving it all over again, and my body reacted as if the 4-year-old was reliving the rushing to the hospital experience because I had to RUSH to see my deceased brother:( So horrific!

Through EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)......

I was able to re-process the hospital experience with my little brother again and repair the memory. I was able to crawl on the hospital table and give my little brother some kisses and hugs and tell him that everything was going to be ok!

I was able to....

comfort him

take care of him

not let him down.

This was the start of my EMDR journey and is slowly allowing me to process the grief of losing my little brother. I am on EMDR #4 and will continue to do this until I get stronger and stronger. I am sure that I will have more to say in a later post.

But GOD!

Be still and know that I am God Psalm 46:10

God has met me here. He has brought me to the valley, a quiet space, a loving space, a comforting space in order to reorganize and heal some messy places inside of me. He has enabled me to slow down so that I can continue to BECOME what I am! A beautiful daughter of GOD! This is where I want to live.

My brother was a beautiful son of God, and I know that for sure! I felt my brother's beautiful essence when he left this earth, and I knew that he was safe in God's arms.

I have to believe how loved I am. This is a struggle, but my brother's passing is continuing to help me BELIEVE!

I have to believe that the slow healing times in the valley are just times where Jesus is watering me so that I can grow more and more with each rain drop.

Oh ........... .........and there has been more rain!

Yes, many things have unraveled since the death of my brother, but once again, it is all here to water me and allow me to grow into the beautiful flower that the Lord has created in me and YOU!

Therefore, at this moment and in the words of Samantha Ebert, I will.........

"Thank you, Jesus, for keeping me there

You know just what I need, and you've planted seeds."

Lord, I will take the seeds and the rain! I will trust you to continue to grow my seeds into beautiful flowers as I walk this journey without my little brother!

I hope! I hope and hope that.............

when I am standing on the mountain top in the future, I will see all of the FLOWERS in the valley and one day I will be able to be grateful for this very hard time.

AMEN!

Please know that you are not alone and that you just might be searching for your

"flowers in the valley" life as well. I love you and God loves you! All are welcome here!

I invite you to subscribe to this blog if you are a hurting person who is still determined to lead a healing life! I am here for it and I can't wait to see where the Lord takes us!

Please pass this along to friends and family who would be interested in these topics.

I love you!

God Bless You!

Brandis

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11